Monday, March 28, 2011

Five AM and Deep Thoughts...

I don't have trouble falling asleep at night.  I lay down with my body pillow (in this case, not my husband, because he is so hard and muscle covered.  I like SOFT.) on my foam covered bed and pull the covers under my chin before I pass out.  I'm a side sleeper, most of the time.

And if I'm lucky, and my pregnant bladder is kind, I sleep all night without cares. (But very weird dreams. Thanks, pregnancy, for that gift.)

On the nights where I get up, however, or my sweet boy wakes up with a nightmare... that is when the troubles arise.

Take last night for instance:

Slept peacefully until 4:36 AM, when my son woke up crying.  Went into his room and he insisted his knee hurt. Unzipped his jammies to check said knee.  Kissed knee.  Gave son his stuffed camel.  Put son back to bed.
Bladder was complaining, so went to the bathroom.  Laid back down in bed.
Thought about what I have to do today: call panasonic about broken toothbrush, finish making sourdough bread, clean out my car for my trip to my parents', remember that husband is fixing washing machine so I can't do laundry today, but I have to do it tomorrow for the trip, and I need to check my garden for new weeds and check my seedlings to see if ANY have sprouted.
I look at the clock, Five AM.  I need to fall asleep, dang it!  Close my eyes and try to focus on sleeping.  Then I start thinking about Compis.  Write the scene with Zyander and Nikka one more time, making sure to add details about the Ignis and the phoenix phenomenon.  Start to worry that my story is dumb.  Start to think that no one will buy it.  Five AM says that I should just quit writing altogether and I almost listen for a minute, thinking how much of my time that would free up.  But then what would happen to Nikka, Zyander, Luka, May, The Roaneu?  I know where their lives are going, but if I don't write it down, they will disappear.  They should at least have a chance to be chronicled.
I look at the clock, 5:15 AM.  I decide to just write out the story and keep it all to myself.  Then the characters will be loved and never hated.  Then I start to wonder if my seedlings will grow again.  I tried to plant them early, and greenhouse them, but I'm worried they won't sprout at all.

DO YOU SEE???  It's all circular!  The same things over and over and I can't. stop. my. brain.  ARGH!  By the time I fell asleep, it was 6:30 and my son was waking up for the day.  And by the way, his knee didn't hurt anymore.

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