To be honest, I couldn't let it go, either. I thought about it over and over and over until I was like a self-perpetuating machine of depression, unable to pull myself out, but also wholly cognizant of the fact that I was really just doing it to myself.
Sometimes, we kind of forget to let go of things.
Cut to my gym time. My husband bought me a membership at a gym. (No, he's not an asshat, it's what I asked for.) It's the only really baby free time I get during the day. 2 hours to work out and read my kindle. lalala I love it.
I also do yoga twice a week, because I have hamstrings like tightrope wires. Really, I'm probably the least flexible person you know. Even the eighty year old woman in the class who stands next to me is like, "Girl, you are a hot mess!" While she touches her toes to her ears.
So there I am, doing my shavasana (corpse pose) at the end of class, where you lie down on the ground and like meditate and let go of schtuffs. Except I wasn't letting go, I was dwelling. I was holding on TIGHT to my "Woe is me" feelings and being all sad and stuff.
Then the teacher does something she rarely does. She says to us, "I have a reading for today."
This is what she reads:
"Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason."
Which, when I looked it up online, is attributed to John Mayer? Who knew.
All I know is that it broke me down, hardcore. There I was in yoga class, suddenly crying my eyes out, unable to stop. It was a singular moment in my life.
Thankfully, I'm not one of those loud, sobbing, crying people and I was able to pull myself together before everyone in the class got to see my UGLY FACE.
Still, it brought me back to myself. It was my reminder to STFU and listen to what I'm supposed to listen to, instead of getting all caught up in my own ego.
So, that was my week.
For you ROWers, I got a couple thousand words written. Not as much as I usually do, because Little C. was sick the first half of the week, and I was sick (thanks to the little germ factories living at my house) the last half of the week. Still feeling like crap, but I'm trying to MAKE myself get better because MAN ALIVE, my house is a disaster and let's face it, no one knows where the washer and dryer are except me.